Bush Assumes Position for Colonoscopy, Cheney Assumes Power
By Ted Gay

The light at the end of the president's tunnel.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House spokesperson Tony Snow announced today that Vice President Dick Cheney will temporarily assume presidential powers during George Bush's routine colonoscopy tomorrow afternoon.

Cheney told reporters he has it on good intelligence that Mr. Bush is harboring biological bombs in his lower intestine. The vice president is hoping the colonoscopy will provide him with decisive aerial footage of the president's intestines so that any build up in growths can be removed with pinpoint precision.

"I am looking forward to shocking and awing the president's anus," said the vice president, "by penetrating his open southern border and ramming Special Forces through the hole until the region is clear of any masses of potential destruction."

Sources close to the vice president say he is as excited about cramming a tube up the president's rectum as he was about cramming the Iraqi war down Mr. Bush's throat.

When told of Cheney's plans, the president said, "I meant to leave him in charge of something unimportant, like the country, not vitally important, like my ass."

The president's ass refused to comment.