Michael Vick’s Dog House Program Busts Britney Spears
By Chip Hilton

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – Michael Vick’s Dog House, a one-minute segment of social commentary, debuted on radio station WCUR in Newport News, Virginia, during morning drive time yesterday.

Sponsored by Chomp, the nation’s leading manufacturer of quality steel-jaw leghold traps and other restraining devices, Michael Vick’s Dog house promises to put the bite on the ills plaguing our society.

In his initial commentary Mr. Vick, who is temporarily on leave from his position as starting quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, treed Britney Spears “and other Hollywood hos and bitches” who treat toy dogs as fashion accessories.

“Yo, homies, Mike Vick don’t play them little-fag-dogs-in-a-pocketbook games,” he said. “Mike Vick says if your dog ain’t too big to carry, your dog’s nothin’ but bait.”

Mr. Vick also inveighed against people who allow “them little one-swallow dogs” to misbehave.

“It was a chump move when Britney Spears let her little dog dump all over that nice designer gown. If that’d been my dog, it’d been sailing through the uprights for an early three-point lead, you know what I mean? Else I’da shoved a camera up its ass and done an instant colonoscopy.

“This is Mike Vick thankin’ all my fans out there for the love they’ve shown me. Without my fans there’d be no Mike Vick. Peace out.”