Your Daily Horoscope
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 You will have a strange dream in which you see a giant field of sunflowers in the distance. As you race toward the field in slow motion, you begin to hear a sound coming from the sunflowers. When you reach the field, you discover that the sunflowers have the faces of The Village People, and they're singing "YMCA."
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President Bush Asked Angelina Jolie to Attend Saddam Hussein Hanging
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hoping to maximize the public relations bounce from the news of Saddam Hussein's hanging, President Bush had planned to ask Angelina Jolie to attend the execution of the deposed Iraqi dictator as the official representative of the United States.
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Dec 30, 2006, 09:08
October Surprise: President Bush Redesigns Monetary System
WARREN, Mich. - President George W. Bush told an audience at a fundraiser here last night that he plans to redesign the United States monetary system, beginning with the ubiquitous dollar bill.
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Oct 27, 2006, 21:44
President Bush Dogs Condoleezza Rice about Romance Rumors
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush summoned Condoleezza Rice to the Oval Office for a tongue lashing yesterday. The president was upset by rumors that Ms. Rice has been conducting "Posturepedic diplomacy" with Canada's foreign affairs minister, Peter MacKay. The rumors began when Ms. Rice visited Mr. MacKay in Nova Scotia earler this week.
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Sep 16, 2006, 10:54
President Bush Says Troop Callup Not Backdoor Draft
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that his plans to call up selected units of the Salvation Army in order to boost troop levels in Iraq and Afghanistan did not amount to a backdoor draft.
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Aug 24, 2006, 07:49
President Bush Sues Dixie Chicks over Hail to the Chief
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting on information gained from cell phone surveillance, President Bush filed suit in a Washington, D.C., court yesterday to stop the Dixie Chicks from using "Hail to the Chief" to herald their arrival on stage during their present concert tour.
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Jul 26, 2006, 09:00
Bush Declares Victory Over Saddam Hussein's Hunger Strike
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following a visit to church yesterday, President Bush declared victory over Saddam Hussein's seventeen-day hunger strike. The determined-looking president said that Mr. Hussein had been made to realize "he is no longer a ruthless, bloodthirsty dictator who can withhold food from himself or his people on a whim.
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Jul 24, 2006, 08:03
Guantanamo Ruling on bin Laden's Driver a Blow to Bush
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Salim Ahmed Hamdan, the short and slight Yemeni who was once Osama bin Laden's driver, must receive a trial with new, congressionally approved procedures.
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Jul 2, 2006, 13:48
President Bush Wants Ban on Same-Sex Cruises
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush told his weekly radio broadcast audience Saturday that he believes the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex-only vacation cruises. The move is widely seen as a bid to shore up the president's collapsing support among conservative voters and vacationers.
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Jun 4, 2006, 14:46
President Bush Speaks Out about Haditha Killings, Dixie Chicks
WASHINGTON, D.C. - An emotional President Bush told reporters who attended a special screening of United 93 at the White House on Tuesday night that the Marines who executed twenty-four Iraqi civilians last November "dishonored their country and the cause of freedom" by lying about their actions.
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Jun 1, 2006, 07:46
President Bush Lays Wreath to Honor Fashion's Fallen Heroes
MIAMI - President George W. Bush paid a surprise visit to slain fashion designer Giovanni Versace's house in Miami last night. Mr. Bush arrived shortly after dark and placed a wreath on a stand not far from the delicate wrought iron fence that accents the late designer's mansion.
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May 29, 2006, 10:24
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