The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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RIAA Sends Message to Native American Single Mothers of Two
DULUTH, Minn. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out “copyright infringement” by Native American single mothers of two children.
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Oct 5, 2007, 15:31
Bruce Springsteen’s Hair Rocks Hartford
HARTFORD, Conn. – Bruce Springsteen’s hair kicked ass and took names at the Hartford Civic Center last night. Reunited with the E Street Band for the first time in five years, Mr. Springsteen’s hair launched its Magic tour with a twenty-three-song performance that recalled its glory days while demonstrating there’s still plenty of room left for growth.
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Oct 3, 2007, 15:54
Bono Challenges World Leaders to Save Board Games
MILPITAS, Calif. - Bono, U2's crusading frontman, has set himself his most ambitious and difficult task to date: rescuing board games from neglect and despair.
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Oct 1, 2007, 10:29
Lily Allen’s Work Visa Revoked, Foot-in-Mouth Disease Feared
LOS ANGELES –Lily Allen’s work visa was confiscated Sunday after the British pop star had failed a foot-in-
mouth-disease screening test administered at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX). She had traveled to the United States to co-host the MTV Music Awards and to play a series of concerts beginning in September.
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Aug 9, 2007, 07:46
Britney Spears' New CD in Starbucks Tuesday
LOS ANGELES – The long-awaited new Britney Spears CD, Here I Come Again, will go on sale at all Starbucks outlets around the world on Tuesday. A source close to the project told Billboard magazine that Ms. Spears chose Starbucks because “it has always been her refuge” whenever she felt misunderstood.
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Aug 4, 2007, 09:08
RIAA Sues Fetus as Accessory to Illegal Downloading
NEW YORK – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has lowered the bar in its war against music piracy. In a surprising legal maneuver the RIAA slapped a four-month-old fetus with a Baby Doe warrant for being an accessory to its mother’s illegal downloading of three Trout Fishing in America CDs and several other CDs of children’s music.
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Jul 13, 2007, 16:15
Tom Cruise Brokered Spice Girls Reunion
LOS ANGELES – The Spice Girls are reuniting for a world tour, and we can thank Tom Cruise for that. The diminutive actor is rumored to have stepped in and brokered the reunion deal after negotiations between Geri Halliwell (Old Spice) and the rest of the group had broken down.
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Jun 29, 2007, 06:41
Sting Involved in Bogus Klaus Harmony Claim
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – A unidentified homeless man has been arrested in Los Angeles after claiming to be Klaus Harmony, the “Mozart of Porn.” Harmony, the German composer of several 1970s and ‘80s erotic film scores, including the lesser known 1977 classic, “The Ladies Man,” was thought to have been killed in a London explosion in 1984.
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Jun 2, 2007, 13:32
Paul McCartney CD Rocks the Home Shopping Network
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Spoiler alert: if you’re a Paul McCartney fan with a weak heart, a receding hairline, or a “cool” kid on the debate team at high school, stop reading now. What follows won’t be a silly love song, Uncle Albert.
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May 31, 2007, 10:30
Sting, Police Clash over Klaus Harmony Songs
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Sting and his band mates in The Police have clashed angrily over the presentation of a pair of Klaus Harmony songs on the band's upcoming tour, scheduled to begin here on May 28 if attorneys for band members are able to sort out their clients' differences by then.
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May 12, 2007, 11:14
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