Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
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RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as "the single greatest secret threat" to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home.
More.
Dec 12, 2007, 09:39
Clay Aiken Birthday Quiz, Exclusive
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Clay Aiken, who rode a second-place finish on American Idol and a don't-ask-don't-tell sexuality to fame, fortune, and speculation, is twenty-nine today. The artist formerly known as Clayton Holmes Grissom will spend the day counting his blessings with "a special friend or two."
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Nov 30, 2007, 14:00
Amy Winehouse Cancels All Personal Hygiene Activities
LONDON - Singer Amy Winehouse, 24, has announced that she is canceling all personal hygiene activities—even down to having her beehive steam cleaned—until her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is released from London's Pentonville prison.
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Nov 29, 2007, 10:35
Phish to Reunite for New Year's Eve Gig in Dubai
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - Phish, the once and future kings of the jam band court, will reunite for a three-day, seven-set New Year's Eve celebration on a manmade island off the coast of Dubai, a spokesman for the group announced yesterday.
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Nov 14, 2007, 16:43
Blackwater, RIAA Join Forces to Combat Music Piracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Blackwater USA, the rogue security company accused of sport killing innocent civilians in Iraq, has agreed to provide "tactical enforcement capabilities" for the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America).
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Oct 15, 2007, 13:35
Radio Station Urges Bruce Springsteen Fans to Burn His CDs
PHILADELPHIA - Classic-rock station WOLD in Philadelphia is urging Bruce Springsteen fans to meet in the station's parking lot on City Line Avenue this Saturday at 10:00 a.m. and to bring their Springsteen CDs with them.
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Oct 7, 2007, 14:18
RIAA Sends Message to Native American Single Mothers of Two
DULUTH, Minn. - The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out copyright infringement by Native American single mothers of two children.
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Oct 5, 2007, 15:31
Bruce Springsteen's Hair Rocks Hartford
HARTFORD, Conn. - Bruce Springsteen's hair kicked ass and took names at the Hartford Civic Center last night. Reunited with the E Street Band for the first time in five years, Mr. Springsteen's hair launched its Magic tour with a twenty-three-song set that recalled its glory days while demonstrating there's still plenty of room left for growth.
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Oct 3, 2007, 15:54
Lily Allen's Work Visa Revoked, Foot-in-Mouth Disease Feared
LOS ANGELES - Lily Allen's work visa was confiscated Sunday after the British pop star had failed a foot-in-mouth-disease screening test administered at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX). She had traveled to the United States to co-host the MTV Music Awards and to play a series of concerts beginning in September.
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Aug 9, 2007, 07:46
Britney Spears' New CD in Starbucks Tuesday
LOS ANGELES - The long-awaited new Britney Spears CD, Here I Come Again, will go on sale at all Starbucks outlets around the world on Tuesday. A source close to the project told Billboard magazine that Ms. Spears chose Starbucks because "it has always been her refuge" whenever she felt misunderstood.
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Aug 4, 2007, 09:08
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
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