Your Daily Horoscope
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 You will have a strange dream in which you see a giant field of sunflowers in the distance. As you race toward the field in slow motion, you begin to hear a sound coming from the sunflowers. When you reach the field, you discover that the sunflowers have the faces of The Village People, and they're singing "YMCA."
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Thomas the Tank Engine Sued for Sexual Harassment
VICARSTOWN, Sodor - Thomas the Tank Engine has been sued for sexual harassment by Lady Jane Hatt and her granddaughter Bridgett. The disgraced tank engine was subjected to a perp push by another tank engine and the Angry Policeman, who lived up to his name by continually telling the paparazzi to “F off!”
More.
Oct 6, 2007, 14:29
Madeleine McCann Sightings Impede Investigation
LONDON – The latest Madeleine McCann “sighting” confirms an ironic phenomenon: sightings of the missing four-year-old are impeding the search for her by siphoning away time, money, and resources that could be spent more wisely applying thumbscrews to her parents.
More.
Sep 27, 2007, 10:38
Osama Bin Laden Bombs in CNN 911 Awards Opener
ATLANTA - It was meant to be Osama Bin Laden’s career revival, a triumphant return to form that would finally shush the incessant whispering that he was dead. Bin Laden, however, failed to live up to the moment when he kicked off CNN’s 911 Commemoration Awards on Tuesday.
More.
Sep 14, 2007, 10:01
Kate McCann’s Diary, an Exclusive Peek
LONDON – Pages purported to have come from Kate McCann’s diary have been photocopied and leaked to The Sun, England’s tabloid conscience. According to the paper’s managing editor, Malcolm Pease, the diary pages arrived via fax at The Sun’s lifestyle desk late yesterday evening.
More.
Sep 13, 2007, 10:06
Osama bin Laden Video Launches September 11 Collection
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Osama Bin Laden has released a popping new video to accompany the launch of his revolutionary September 11 Collection, which hits high-end shopping stalls in Muslim countries on Tuesday, the sixth anniversary of the deadliest attacks on the U.S. fashion industry.
More.
Sep 8, 2007, 15:21
Madeleine McCann’s Mother Advances to Suspect Round in Quiz Show
PORTIMAO, Portugal – Madeline McCann’s mother, Kate, has advanced to the suspect round in this season’s smash Portuguese television show Did You Kill Your Daughter?.
More.
Sep 7, 2007, 08:54
Maliki Fights Back, Calls Hillary Clinton an Unelectable Whore
BAGHDAD – Iraqi prime minister, Nouri al-Maliki, called Senator Hillary Clinton “an unelectable whore” yesterday. The obviously annoyed prime minister made this observation during a profane tirade at a press conference in Baghdad's fortified Green Shopping Zone.
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Aug 27, 2007, 08:53
U.S. Blames British Soldiers’ Deaths on Cell Phone Use
KAJAKI, Afghanistan – A United States military commander in Afghanistan said yesterday that three British soldiers killed by “a friendly airstrike” on Thursday would still be alive today if “somebody hadn’t been talking on a cell phone when he shouldn’t have been.”
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Aug 25, 2007, 11:31
McCanns Enlist Stella McCartney to Repair Image
PRAIA DA LUZ, Portugal – The Portuguese press and the residents of this resort community have become more hostile toward Kate and Gerry McCann by the minute. Finally the couple has decided to fight back.
More.
Aug 12, 2007, 14:07
Queen Elizabeth 2 Moving to Dubai
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - Queen Elizabeth 2, the majestic traveler who inspired millions of people around the world during her fifty-five year reign, has been sold to a Dubai-owned company for $100 million.
More.
Jun 19, 2007, 06:03
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