Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
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College Student Arrested for Stealing His Own Identity
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Li Ming, a graduate assistant in computer science at West Chester University, was arrested and charged with identity theft yesterday after trying to obtain a driver's license under false pretenses.
More.
Mar 8, 2009, 09:03
Microsoft Blames Hackers for Severance Pay Blunder
REDMOND, Wash. - A spokesperson for Microsoft blamed hackers for the company's severance pay blunders, which resulted in some laid-off workers receiving too much severance pay while others received too little.
More.
Feb 23, 2009, 10:29
Mobile Phone Virus Threatens United States
SAN FRANCISCO - Cabir, the first in-the-wild mobile phone virus discovered in the United States, is set to wreak havoc on the lives of teen-agers, SUV drivers, and text-messaging office workers across the land.
More.
Mar 20, 2008, 11:11
Hackers Who Trashed RIAA Website Get Karma Windfall
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - The hackers who roughed up the RIAA's website last weekend—removing virtually all its self-serving, dime-on-your-neighbor content—will enjoy a significant karmic windfall, said Sri Edward Boghaven, author of Instant Karma: How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick.
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Jan 23, 2008, 10:14
Angelina Jolie Computer Virus Poised to Strike
REDMOND, Wash. - The Angelina Jolie virus, a new and potentially smothering computer virus, is set to strike computers around the world on Friday. Popularly known as the Black Mother Widow (BMW) virus, this dangerous scourge is thought to be the work of an Amsterdam-
based group of hackers that calls itself Één meer Toke.
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Dec 4, 2007, 12:35
Local Man Arrested for Stealing His Own Identity
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Li Ming, a graduate assistant in computer science at West Chester University, was arrested and charged with identity theft yesterday after trying to obtain a driver's license under false pretenses.
More.
Sep 6, 2007, 11:46
Rudy Giuliani Tops Wikipedia Self-Serving Edits
NEW YORK - Computers at the campaign headquarters of Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani were used to make fifteen changes to Mr. Giuliani's Wikipedia page last week, earning America's Mayor the Virgil Griffith award for the period ending August 18.
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Aug 19, 2007, 09:19
Microsoft Acquires Open Source Christian Software
REDMOND, Wash. - Microsoft's co-founder Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama.
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Jun 6, 2007, 11:33
Microsoft to Begin Shipping Windows Linux Ubuntu
REDMOND, Wash. - Software giant Microsoft announced yesterday that it will begin shipping its newest operating system, Windows Linux Ubuntu, by the end of this month. Computers sold with this free, open-source operating system pre-installed will cost, on average, $149.95 fewer than computers sold with Windows Vista Service Pack 9 pre-installed.
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May 3, 2007, 09:39
President Bush Spied on Internet Users
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an unprecedented step the White House released a classified report detailing the results of an eavesdropping campaign conducted in an Internet chat room. The chat room (www.letsgetsirius.org) is frequented by dog-loving singles looking to sniff out new partners "for romps on the beach" or "quiet nights in front of the fireplace."
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Dec 24, 2005, 08:50
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
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