The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
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Paris Hilton Snags Larry King Interview for $1.5 Million
LOS ANGELES – Larry King was the surprise winner of the bidding war for the right to conduct Paris Hilton’s initial post-jail interview. The veteran talk show host and natural-supplements advocate will bank $1.5 million in return for devoting his entire show to the “new” Paris Hilton tonight.
More.
Jun 27, 2007, 10:21
Paris Hilton Finds God in Jail, Starts Her Own Hotline
LOS ANGELES – Like many prisoners with time on their hands, Paris Hilton found god in jail. Ms. Hilton, 26, made the lord’s acquaintance in the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California, where she served most of a twenty-three day sentence for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.
More.
Jun 26, 2007, 08:25
Paris Hilton Fears Toilet Cam in Prison
LOS ANGELES – Paris Hilton is terrified of using the toilet in her jail cell because she fears it has been equipped with a toilet cam. According to her sister, Nicky, Ms. Hilton does not want photographs or a video of her relieving herself to appear on the Internet.
More.
Jun 11, 2007, 09:47
Paris Hilton’s Medical Condition a Gripping Saga
LOS ANGELES – A mysterious medical condition made Paris Hilton “a danger to herself and to other inmates” at the Century Regional Detention Facility, said Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, who ordered Ms. Hilton released from jail early yesterday morning after she had served barely three days of a twenty-three-day sentence for violating the conditions of her probation.
More.
Jun 8, 2007, 11:50
Paris Hilton’s Vagina Begins Jail Sentence Monologue
LYNWOOD, Calif. - Paris Hilton’s vagina began an exclusive monologue with our sister print publication, THEM Weekly, yesterday before reporting to the Century Regional Detention Facility to begin a twenty-three-day sentence for being operated while she was under suspension.
More.
Jun 4, 2007, 09:33
Tom Cruise Threatens to Sue the Ass off Katee Holmes
LOS ANGELES - Tom Cruise is reported to have had an apoplectic fit when he learned that a budding porn star had legally changed her name to Katee Holmes and was planning to lose her virginity in a triple-X-rated feature entitled, Holmes Is Where the Hard Is.
More.
May 23, 2007, 10:28
Paris Hilton Exclusive Jail Sentence Interview
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.
More.
May 5, 2007, 10:44
Hugh Grant Arrested for Spilling the Beans at Photographer
LONDON - Hugh Grant was arrested and questioned by police yesterday after he had allegedly littered the road near his West London house with the contents of a tub of baked beans he had hurled at a photographer. The vicious attack, one of the worst cases of littering in recent Chelsea history, is said to have occurred about 10 o'clock Tuesday morning.
More.
Apr 26, 2007, 09:05
Don Imus to Star with Tom Cruise in Talkback Mountain
LOS ANGELES - Former on-air personality Don Imus has been tipped to star with Tom Cruise in Talkback Mountain, the story of a radio talk show host of the same name who is run out of a small Western town after he mocks the sheriff's handicapped daughter during a live remote from the town's annual chili cookoff.
More.
Apr 14, 2007, 10:44
Tom Cruise Challenges Global Warming Report
LOS ANGELES - Tom Cruise dismissed the global warming report issued by the United Nations as "a load of pseudo-scientific hooey" that offers "temporary bromides" instead of real solutions to the world's temperature increases.
More.
Apr 7, 2007, 12:10
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