The Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 Now is the time to spread your wings, to wax extravagant, to wax that excess body hair, to use the high-price spread and the extra-wide spreader. Don't settle for mushrooms when truffles are available. Be bold, defy convention, defy the odds. Do not, however, attempt to defy gravity. She's not in a pleasant mood this time of year, and she's cranky in anticipation of the demands of increased holiday travel. If you keep it low and slow, you'll rise to new heights.
|
 |
Britney Spears Joins Drunks Against Mad Mothers Group
LOS ANGELES – After attending several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), Britney Spears has decided to join the group, a former assistant revealed.
More.
Dec 3, 2007, 14:25
Britney Spears Pregnant Again, May Lose Custody of Vagina
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears is pregnant again, and the troubled singer is terrified she might lose custody of her vagina as a result. A source close to Ms. Spears, who turns twenty-six today, told THEM Weekly, “Britney’s freaking out because this pregnancy is the last thing her vagina needs.”
More.
Dec 2, 2007, 12:46
Jessica Simpson Snatches Baby Crib at Birds
LOS ANGELES – Jessica Simpson was questioned briefly by Los Angeles police Wednesday night after she had snatched a baby crib at Birds and attempted to leave the crowded restaurant-hangout with it.
More.
Nov 23, 2007, 14:51
Britney Spears Writing Self-Help Book for Children
MALIBU - Britney Spears is writing a self-help book in order to prevent “childrens everywhere” from making the same mistakes she’s made since her ill-advised, fifty-five-hour Las Vegas “marriage” nearly four years ago.
More.
Oct 14, 2007, 14:47
Britney Spears’ Scary-Ass Obsession with Princess Diana
MALIBU - Britney Spears’ obsession with Princess Diana has Ms. Spears’ few remaining friends concerned. They fear the frazzled pop star may be planning to harm herself in some dramatic way in order to mimic the princess’ death.
More.
Oct 8, 2007, 14:27
Britney Spears' Driving Test Leaked to Tabloid
LOS ANGELES - A copy of the written driving test Britney Spears passed in order to obtain a temporary license has been leaked to THEM Weekly magazine.
More.
Oct 4, 2007, 14:26
Britney Spears Stripped of Her Citizenship
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears has been stripped of her citizenship, the White House revealed this morning. President Bush took this rare, but not unprecedented, step when he signed an executive order relieving Ms. Spears of her citizenship at 8:59 last evening, just before he retired for the night.
More.
Oct 2, 2007, 14:25
Britney Spears Fans Will Stage Nude Protest Rally
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears fans will stage a nude protest rally in front of the Staples Center this Saturday in support of “every mother’s right” to go naked around her children.
More.
Sep 20, 2007, 11:38
Britney Spears’ Sons Not Bothered by Her Nudity, Drug Use
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears’ sons have refuted claims that her using drugs and walking around naked all the time represent a danger to their well being—or an impediment to their continued growth and social development.
More.
Sep 18, 2007, 09:09
Petraeus Says Surge Is Working, Britney Spears Needs More Time
WASHINGTON, D.C. – General David Petraeus told Congress yesterday that President Bush’s surge in Iraq is working, but Operation Britney Spears will need more time before the fallen pop star can be entrusted with policing her own career.
More.
Sep 11, 2007, 07:58
|
© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
|
|
|
|
