Three Second Rule Extended During Recession
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the duration of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.
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Mar 25, 2009, 12:50
Pope Benedict XVI Declares War on Wet Dreams
VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI, who threatened condom users in Africa with excommunication recently, is now taking aim on wet dreams. In an encyclical entitled God Owns the Night the supreme pontiff warned Catholics that they "cannot seek refuge in sleep" in order to enjoy illicit sexual activities.
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Mar 21, 2009, 09:51
Nation’s Largest Sperm Banks Seek Bailout
LOS ANGELES – AIG (Alternative Insemination Group) and Semen Brothers, the nation’s two largest sperm banks, say they cannot come close to meeting financial obligations without a sizable “money shot” from Washington.
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Mar 18, 2009, 09:14
Web Founder, Tim Berners-Lee, Finally Admits He Misspelled Worldwide
GENEVA – Tim Berners-Lee, the father of the world wide web, finally has admitted that he misspelling “worldwide” when he created the web twenty years ago.
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Mar 15, 2009, 08:28
Microsoft Acquires Christian Software Firm
REDMOND - Wash. - Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!, "the inspired binary word of the Lord," is headquartered in Opp, the center of Alabama's Silicone Holler. The company produces "salvation software for Jesus geeks."
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Mar 14, 2009, 08:50
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